IP: More on the HellMouth

[Dave Farber <farber@cis.upenn.edu>]

>Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 10:32:15 -0700 (PDT) 
>From: Michael Dillon <michael@memra.com> 
>To: farber@cis.upenn.edu 
>Subject: More on the HellMouth 
>Organization: Memra Communications Inc. 
>
>
>Here is more on the hell that is highschool from Jon Katz of Slashdot.
>He gives full reprint permissions in the article.
>You can read people's comments on the article by going to the URL at
>http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=99/04/27/0310247&mode=thread&threshold=0
>
>Posted by JonKatz on Tuesday April 27,
>@01:00PM EDT from the struggling-to-understand dept.
>
>More stories from the Hellmouth that is High School for many bright,
>individualistic American kids continued to pour in yesterday. They are
>jarring testimonials from kids, adults, men and women. In the past four
>days, I've gotten well over 2000. These stories, many of them painful and
>engraged, tell us more about what happened in Littleton, Colorado -- a lot
>more -- than the dumb, exaggerated, frightening alarms about video games,
>Goths and geek monsters pouring out of much of the mainstream media.
>
>The messages started coming in a trickle Friday afternoon, then a torrent
>by Monday. They were wrenching, sometimes astonishing, an electronic
>outpouring of anger and compassion.
>
>These jarring testimonials explained more - a lot more - about Littleton
>than all the vapid media stories about video violence, Goths, game-crazed
>geeks.
>
>For a writer, there's nothing more humbling than to be at a loss for
>words. I can't do more justice to these stories than to let them speak for
>themselves.
>
>By last night, I had received thousands of e-mails about life in junior
>and high school. Few remembered it fondly - none, in fact. Some had
>unbearable memories. Some are still recovering. Many more are still there,
>suffering every day. 
>
>Many of you wrote asking if you could help these kids. Others wondered if
>there was any way to get the message about their lives out beyond
>Slashdot, if these stories might reach the mainstream media in some form. 
>
>Don't worry about that. The column and the responses to it richocheted all
>over the world, via e-mail, mailing lists, links, even faxes. There were
>scores of requests to reprint. For any others, and on behalf of Slashdot,
>be my guest.
>
>On the Net, ideas don't need to be pushed. They find their own audience
>and stand or fall of their own weight. Eventually, I will answer each
>e-mail, and am grateful for them.
>
>In the wake of the killings in Littleton, Colorado, here are more stories
>from The Hellmouth, from its current and former children:
>
>
>>From Eric near Littleton, Colorado: 
>
>"?I live just a few miles north of the school between the same streets. 
>I'm a geek under the skin. I was a state champ in the high jump, and the
>leading scorer on the track team, so I was not quite the outcast that some
>of the geeks are, but I understand what they are going through. I wasn't
>very popular despite being the big athlete on campus, but I at least had
>respect.
>
>I am very happy to see you and Slashdot carrying coverage of "the other
>side" of the story; the side nobody else wants to look at.  These outcast
>kids are now being swept under the rug at best, and prosecuted at worst."
>
>
>>From Josh, a Slashdot reader: 
>
>"I was much like those kids when I was in school - weird, cast out, not
>much liked, alienated, all that sort of thing'I used to imagine bringing
>weaponry to school and making the fuckers who made my life miserable beg
>for mercy. (I was never sure what to do then, though. Do I let them go?
>They won't have learned, and after that, I could never turn my back. Do I
>kill them? I really just wanted to be left alone'Remember the scene in
>"Ender's Game.") I think my parents and their support made a lot of
>difference to me." 
>
>
>>From John of Austin: 
>
>"?you can probably imagine the emotional scars that I still tote around
>with me at age 26. I still have yet to go to college, I have shelves upon
>shelves of books that I have bought, read and committed to memory.  From
>literature to computer programming, there is no one that I can't have a
>meaningful and informed conversation with.
>
>But to this day, the thought of entering another educational institution
>to prove that I have the facilities to be a ?meaningful? member of society
>makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and turns my stomach
>inside out.
>
>"I am the father now, and as such I worry about the kind of life my son
>will lead, too much at times, I'm sure'A few weeks ago I was watching the
>TLC (The Learning Channel) or the Discovery channel, and there was a
>special on the social structure within the United States prison system on.
>While I was watching it, I was thinking to myself just how similar it was
>to the social structure we find in schools.."
>
>
>>From John, who's 37 years old: 
>
>"What this really means to all my fellow young geeks out there?  Endure. 
>It may take a year, or two or five, but we will win'All those preps,
>jocks, etc., etc., will have their Ms. degrees, 2.5 kids, a job at Circuit
>City as an assistant manager, will be wondering where their life went,
>when we are coming into full bloom and taking over the world."
>
>
>>From Dan: 
>
>"How dare you glorify these scum? They were Nazi thugs, nothing more,
>nothing less. They are brutal murderers. They planned this on Hitler's
>Birthday, for God's sake. What kind of creep are you?  How dare you
>compare them to geeks? They deserved everything they had coming to them,
>and so do you. May they rot in Hell."
>
>
>>From Kevin, a parent: 
>
>"I am married, have two wonderful little kids, and am, by conventional
>measures, considered "successful." I'm also a computer geek, a nerd, and
>still have painful memories of the emotional and physical trauma I
>sustained in high school. I still attend counseling regularly. I still
>take anti-depressants every day and will probably continue to do so for
>the rest of my life.
>
>"Did I feel hate and rage for my attackers? Oh, yes. But I could never do
>anything about it and couldn't get anyone to help me. The only advice I
>got from my parents was to just ignore the bullys and eventually they'd
>leave me alone. Fortunately, I don't seem to be pre-disposed to violence
>or was too much of a coward to consider it. I can, however, see how the
>wrong kid in the wrong situation could go over the edge."
>
>
>>From Peter in Boston: 
>
>"I am a geek, and very proud of it. I have been beaten, spit on, pushed,
>jeered at. Food is sometimes thrown at and on me while teachers pretend
>not to see, people trip me. Jocks knock me down in the hallway.  They
>steal my notes, call me a geek and a fag and a freak, tear up my books,
>have pissed in my locker twice. They cut my shirt and rip it.  They wait
>for me in the boy's room and beat me up. I have to wait an hour to leave
>school to make sure they're gone. 
>
>Mostly, I honestly think, this is because I'm smarter than they are, and
>they hate that.
>
>The really amazing thing is, they are the most popular people in the
>school, while everybody thinks I'm a freak. The teachers slobber all over
>them. Mostly, the other kids laugh, or walk away and pretend not to see
>it. The whole school cheers when they play sports.  Sometimes, I want very
>much to kill them. Sometimes, I picture how I'd do it.  Wouldn't you? But
>unlike those guys in Littleton, I never will.  I value my own life much
>more. When I read these messages, I would ask other geeks to try and
>remember that, no matter what. And get online and make contact." 
>
>
>>From Rory in Chicago: 
>
>"Would you bring a kid abused by his family to counseling and call him the
>problem? If that kid expressed rage and anger toward the world, we would
>call it a product of his abuse, and try to help him with this rage,
>treating him as the victim. However when it is other kids abusing each
>other, we treat the abusees as the problem and ignore the abusers
>altogether. Hunting down and persecuting the abusees is only going to
>alienate them further - not only with their peers be persecuting them but
>so will their parents and teachers."
>
>
>>From Jason, a Slashdot reader: 
>
>"Jon, please take these e-mails'and take them to CNN, ABC, NBC, whoever,
>what ever. Make them heard, and stand up for all of us!  Geeks =
>different, different = okay, if not better! Make my mother understand,
>sweeping problems under the rug, or simply not dealing with them, doesn't
>do jack shit! And there's a bigger problem, it's them! 
>
>The people who think being different is bad, being geek is bad, TV, Games,
>the Internet, all bad! It will be hard, a minority against a majority! But
>please do it!"
>
>
>>From Evan: "I am 24 years old, and a successful professional now, but the,
>fifteen years ago, I was in the Hellmouth. Just wanted to shout some small
>form of encouragement out to the kids fighting today.  Take your fight for
>the right to be different to the people with power, and enlist your
>parents? help. Remember that if you can get your parents to understand
>your need to be creative, and non-conformist, because your brain is just
>plain bigger than the small world of middle and high school, your parents
>can make a fuss to school boards. But if they won't listen, go to the
>school boards yourself. Peacefully, but forcefully, assert your right to
>be different by speaking out against fear and oppression.  Because that's
>what it is. It's all about the fear. 
>
>People fear what they don't understand, and let's face it, the world of a
>geek isn't something most people can understand, if only because it's a
>complicated world filled with smart folks. And most people aren't
>complicated smart folks. You have GOT to break them of the fear.  You
>gotta explain that it's an outlet, like racquetball or bridge.  You have
>to explain it's not violent, it's colorful. You want violent? Look at
>football, look at sports. 
>
>That's REAL ACTUAL violence, not the simulated, stylized, far from even
>looking-real violence of video games or D&D (Dungeons and Dragons). And
>for a real kicker, ask them how many geeks are arrested for violent crimes
>and misdemeanors when compared to popular athletes." 
>
>
>>From Cory, a high school student: 
>
>"I go to a private high school and on Wednesday in religion class I told
>the class, because we were on the subject that I could understand what
>would drive them (the killers in Littleton, Colorado) to do it.  They said
>that it couldn't happen at our school and I responded by saying that it
>could because back in my freshman year it was so bad (the jokes, abuse,
>etc.) that I wished I had had a gun at home. I am a Senior now and 9 days
>from graduation. News got to the administration and I was suspended until
>I received an evaluation by a psychologist and was deemed safe to return
>to school. I have not been back to school since."
>
>
>>From MishtaE: "I've been out of school for awhile (not very long) but I
>still physically shake, I feel adrenaline go through my system when I
>think about my own junior high experiences'The feeling of hopelessness, of
>knowing that you have no one to go to who can or will make it STOP is a
>very horrid feeling. It makes you consider irrational things, because the
>rational ones obviously don't apply.
>
>"But make no mistake, the cruelty inflicted on kids doesn't magically go
>away when you graduate (or drop out and get your GED at 16 as I did).  You
>live with it, you learn to deal with it, but it's still there, and it does
>change you."
>
>
>>From LHRunkle, a self-described geek Mom: 
>
>"?my six-year old wonders why he isn't popular on the block, but does not
>enjoy racing his bike, or playing soccer. (Soccer is becoming fun.)  He
>also wonders why noone else is reading the books he is. The online
>community did not exist when I was in high school, but geek culture did. 
>Dungeons & Dragons (the original three-booklet set) and science fiction
>saved me.
>
>"How many scared parents have taken the time to introduce their child to
>the items that kept them sane in high school? How many high school
>libraries are even allowed to stock Theodore Sturgeon, or all of Robert
>Heinlein? Before we go to Net culture, we need to face local culture.  How
>many schools enforce a respect-for-all policy, and enforce it fairly? I
>know that I have a budding geek, and if I can get him sane through the
>next thirteen years, there will be another decent adult on this planet." 
>
>
>>From Simon: 
>
>"The mainstream is missing the point. All over the world, "geeks" are
>standing up and saying "This is horrible and I know what cause it" and all
>over the world people are saying "Oh, my God! Another killer!" I'll spell
>it out: "The killers are a symptom of the alienation of an unrecognized
>minority - the geeks." No, that doesn't make it right. No, that doesn't
>mean a thousand more killers are lurking in the computer rooms of your
>schools.
>
>"Failure to understand this severely limits your ability to correct it. I
>read with dismay that geeks are being cut off from the Internet and
>violent online games so that they "won't become killers." 
>
>Follow my logic here: 
>
>"Given: The killers were motivated in no small part by alienation. 
>Reducing a persons contact with like-minded people increases their
>alienation. Reducing a person's sense of identify increases their sense of
>alienation. Geeks tend to communicate with each other via the Internet and
>online games.
>
>"Conclusion: Cutting geeks off from each other (Internet access)  and
>their identity (choice of clothing) will increase rather than decrease the
>likelihood of violence."
>
>"I've been wracking my brain to figure out what stopped me (from hurting
>someone). I've been asking myself "what can I hand to people to fix this?"
>The answer is very simple. The faces are very clear in my memory of the
>few "popular people" who took the time to talk to me and find out about
>me. There are maybe a half a dozen. They showed me that they were people
>too.
>
>I heard a report, it may not be true [it is] that one of the killers went
>and told one of his classmates before the killing, "I like you. Go home."
>If that happened if you are that person, you know that your attitude saved
>your life. If there were a few more like you, maybe it would have saved
>everyone." 
>
>
>>From Armadillo: 
>
>" I thought I had put this behind me but I obviously haven't.  This whole
>past week has really torn me up inside because 15 years ago, I was one of
>those kids. Because HS for me was sheer and utter Hell. I have no single
>memory that I can recall as being good. 
>
>I have no single person who I can recall as a friend. Hell, even the OTHER
>rejects kicked me around. I feel like I'm seeing this all through the eyes
>of a refugee from a war, who by some circumstance is rescued, taken off to
>a land far from the conflict, far from the danger and death and constant
>fear and destruction.
>
>Years later, after having made some personal peace with the past, if not
>the people, they hear or see a report that their former home town or
>village has been bombed and the people they knew killed and it all comes
>flooding back.
>
>"Why is it that we as geeks, freaks, nerds, dorks, dweebs'have to suffer
>while the clueless, bow-headed, tostosterone poisoned "normal"  people are
>allowed to get away with murder'I wonder just how many outcasts have been
>driven to suicide because of just one too many tauntings or practical
>jokes on a particular afternoon?
>
>"Why do we murder the spirits of our most gifted and talented young
>people? THEY are the ones that are our future. THEY are the ones that are
>best equipped to build the world to their hopes and dreams. The prom
>queens and cheerleaders will have their 15 minutes and then take their
>places among the teeming masses of consumers. They have already shown they
>want to be lead around and are more than happy to let society tell them
>where to go and what to do."
>
>
>>From Nick: 
>
>" I'm a junior in high school in a suburb of.... I felt that in light of
>what happened last Tuesday and your recent article on Slashdot, I should
>respond. Recently, one of my friends, Chris, was suspended for three days.
>He's an athlete (football and shotput), but is no means considered a
>"jock" as he plays computer games, reads fantasy novels, plays Warhammer
>40K, etc. One person, Ryan, considered a "nerd" by his peers, mislabeled
>him [Chris} as a jock and decided to taunt him verbally. Chris is normally
>a nice guy who's never been in a fight before, as he gets along with most
>students. This verbal abuse continued for almost the entire school year so
>far.
>
>Last Thursday, Chris slapped Ryan upside the head due to a particularly
>nasty thing that was said and Ryan picked up a chair, shouting death
>threats and swears. They were quickly broken up by the teacher and hall
>monitors, and were escorted to the dean's office.
>
>Normally, each would only get a 1 day in-school suspension for what they
>did, but due to the incident in Colorado, each got three days and
>counseling by the school psychiatrist for the remainder of the year. The
>deans obviously overreacted, given the circumstances. What the main
>problem is here is that years of torment in people like Ryan's lives have
>led to such "classes" -- Goths, nerds, freaks, preps, etc.  People form
>together in cliques where people are distinctly filed into the social
>pecking order. The high school situation could (and is) leading to a
>French Revolution-esque "class war" where social outcasts decide to say
>enough with the years of torment. Unfortunately, this is happening sooner
>than we think.
>
>
>>From Sally: 
>
>"The irony in the current coverage, at least to me, is that I remember my
>leather-jacketed, spiky-haired, combat-boot wearing friends as being for
>the most part peaceful, gentle, sensitive types - lots of vegetarians and
>anti-nuke people. Sure, there were a few who probably could have benefited
>from some therapy, but most of them were - and are - the nicest, kindest
>people I knew, despite their rather alarming appearance.  After all, we
>had to be like that - we all knew what it felt like to be shoved in a
>locker, spit on, have stuff thrown at us, etc. I seem to remember the
>football players and other jocks as being a lot more violent and given to
>fits of rage and other displays of aggression.
>
>... I certainly agree that the two shooters in Littleton were deranged
>boys filled with hate, But it's a fine line between a supposedly
>"well-adjusted" teenager [who bashes freaks] and a disturbed one."
>
>
>>From Matthew C in Wisconsin: 
>
>"I, like many of the Slashdot audience, was one of those those kids in
>high school, and junior high, and elementary school. I have suffered what
>those kids suffered, and continue to suffer. I made it through, but
>apparently not everyone does. The response to your article seems to
>suggest that there are many of us out there who want to help do something
>to curb the backlash to focus on the correct issue. I was wondering, in
>your surely large catalogue of responses to this column, have you found
>any hints of where we might send letters? Or who we might contact, to
>start telling people what the real problems are? 
>
>I want to help. I want to write, to talk, to help ensure that geeks of
>today and tomorrow aren't further persecuted for pursuing differences from
>the norm. We have to spread the word far and wide, teachers, parents and
>people who should know better than to ban trenchcoats, take away
>computers, and further drive their kids into depression and isolation. How
>can we organize something meaningful?"