IP: Holiday News Flash

[Dave Farber <farber@cis.upenn.edu>]

>>Subject: FW: For Fun ! - Holiday News Flash
>>
>>
>> >
>> >
>> > Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
>>was
>> > announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will
>> > merge.  An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for
>> > about 1300 years.  While details were not available at press time, it is
>> > believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and
>>eight
>> > days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.  By combining
>> > forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently
>> > high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new
>> > holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
>>a-leaping
>> > and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.  As part of the conditions of
>>the
>> > agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be
>>replaced
>> > by Latin,  thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.  Also,
>>instead
>> > of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the
>> > dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."  In exchange,
>>it
>> > is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast
>> > merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the
>> > sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years
>> > was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
>>for
>> > Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.  A breakthrough came last
>> > year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher.
>> >
>> > All sides appeared happy about this.  A spokesman for Christmas, Inc.,
>> > declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as
>> > well. He merely pointed out that, were it not
>> > for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and
>> > Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday
>>market.
>> > Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
>> > competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all
>> > present in a rousing rendition of  "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."
>> >
>